Another take on perfectionism

A book I have that deals with procrastrination (The Now Habit) talks a bit about perfectionism. According to the author, who treats procrastrinators for a living, pretty much all procrastrinators are perfectionists. Perfectionism is not inherently something that induces procrastrination. It's in combination with associating ones performance with ones self worth that it becomes a problem.

I had a talk with a good friend of mine about my upcoming birthday. I said that I did not intend to celebrate it, because I found the concept of a birthday a bit silly. When she asked why, I explained that since there is no performance associated with the celebrating, it feels kind of empty. It's like, "wow, you managed to get born. You're so great!". After listening to my explanation she promplty told me that she disagreed with me. She said that a birthday was a great way to be celebrated just for who you are, not for something you've done or some position your hold. Just celebrate the unique set of genes and events that lead up to the person that you are, without any need for performance on your part.

I realized that she was very, very right (in many ways, this girl is so much smarter than me). I actually had trouble accepting (as a concept) the notion of "reward without performance", even though that is something that we recieve in abundance as children. It's valuing yourself after what you ARE, not after what you DO.

The difference between the two (are/do) seems small, but it is one of the things that allows you to do like Steve Jobs. He was kicked out of Apple, an enourmous and humiliating defeat. After that, he started a new company called Next, which also failed miserably, and sqandered most of his personal fortune. He was ridiculed so much in the media that it would have cracked anyone. Yet, even after this, he got up, bought Pixar and turned it into the most successful animation company in the world. After that, he stepped up as CEO of a failing Apple Computers and turned it around into the worshipped company it is today.

Getting up after failures like that is simply not possible if you value yourself after your performance. You MUST see yourself for what you CAN achieve, not for what you HAVE achieved. That is pretty much the way you should handle all dark critisism yourself or anyone or anything else inflicts on you. If you don't, it will always hold you back on your way to your goals.

Don't let circumstances affect you. Know who you are, and more importantly, who you can be, and remain true to that. That way, circumstances (like failing multi-million dollar companies)won't matter all that much.